Scary Things We Don’t Talk About: 5 Mental Health Patterns Worth Paying Attention To

Written by Victoria Allen, LPC

October often brings conversations about things that are scary, uncomfortable, or difficult to talk about. But some of the most important things to pay attention to aren’t always obvious.

Sometimes, mental health challenges show up as everyday patterns we’ve become so used to that we don’t recognize them as signs that something may need our attention.

The patterns we often overlook

Not every mental health concern looks like a crisis. Sometimes, it looks like constantly putting yourself last, avoiding difficult emotions, or simply going through the motions.

Five patterns worth paying attention to include:

• Ignoring your own needs

• Avoiding difficult emotions

• Constant people-pleasing

• Living in survival mode

• Being afraid to set boundaries

  
  

These behaviors don’t automatically mean something is wrong. However, when they become consistent patterns, they may be worth exploring.

1. Ignoring Your Own Needs

It can be easy to focus so much on work, family, relationships, and responsibilities that your own needs become an afterthought.

Consistently putting yourself last can contribute to emotional exhaustion, resentment, stress, and feeling disconnected from yourself.Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. Your needs deserve attention too.

Ask yourself: “What have I been needing that I haven’t been giving myself?”

2. Avoiding Difficult Emotions

Sometimes we stay busy, distract ourselves, shut down, or tell ourselves that something “isn’t a big deal” because we don’t want to feel uncomfortable.

While avoidance may provide temporary relief, it doesn’t necessarily address what’s underneath the emotion.

Instead of asking, “How do I stop feeling this?”, try asking, “What is this feeling trying to tell me?”

Learning to acknowledge difficult emotions can help you better understand your needs and experiences.

3. Constant People-Pleasing

Saying yes when you want to say no. Worrying about disappointing others. Putting everyone else’s feelings ahead of your own.

People-pleasing can sometimes look like kindness, but consistently prioritizing other people’s comfort can become emotionally exhausting.

You are allowed to say no. You are allowed to have needs. You are allowed to make choices that don’t make everyone happy.

4. Living in Survival Mode

Sometimes you’re not necessarily okay—you’re simply getting through the day.

You continue working, handling responsibilities, and showing up for others, but there’s little energy left for rest, enjoyment, connection, or yourself.

Consider asking: “Am I taking care of myself, or am I only taking care of what’s necessary?”

5. Being Afraid to Set Boundaries

For some people, the hardest part of setting a boundary isn’t knowing what the boundary should be. It’s worrying about how someone else will react.

You might think:

• “What if they get upset?”

• “What if they think I’m selfish?”

• “What if they don’t understand?”

  
  

Boundaries can feel uncomfortable, especially when you’re used to putting other people’s feelings first. However, discomfort doesn’t automatically mean you’ve done something wrong.

Healthy boundaries create space for your needs while supporting healthier relationships.

Practical Ways to Pay More Attention to Your Mental Health

1. Check in with yourself regularly

Ask yourself how you’re actually doing—not just how productive you’ve been. Try asking, “What am I feeling?” “What do I need?” and “What has been weighing on me?”

2. Practice saying no

Start with small situations and remind yourself that saying no does not make you selfish or uncaring.

3. Make space for uncomfortable emotions

Instead of immediately distracting yourself, allow yourself time to acknowledge what you’re feeling. Journaling or talking with someone you trust can help.

4. Pay attention to patterns

Notice when you consistently feel overwhelmed, withdrawn, resentful, anxious, or emotionally drained. Consider what tends to happen before those feelings appear.

5. Seek support when you need it

You don’t have to wait until things become overwhelming before reaching out. Therapy can provide a safe space to understand patterns, process emotions, and develop healthier coping strategies.

Final Thoughts

Some of the things that affect our mental health the most aren’t always obvious. They can look like habits, responsibilities, relationships, or ways of coping that we’ve simply become accustomed to.

This October, take a moment to check in with yourself:

What have I been ignoring? What have I been avoiding? Where am I putting myself last? Where might I need a boundary?

Recognizing a pattern doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’ve become aware of something that may deserve your attention.

Sometimes, awareness is the first step toward doing something differently.

If you need additional support, please contact our office at 443.272.1429. Our clinicians: Janine Canaday, LPC, Erin Choice, LPC, Victoria Allen, LPC and Jada Moore, Marriage and Family Therapy Intern can help you navigate your current situation.

Find additional resources for stress management, emotional regulation and relaxation here:

Worksheets: www.etsy.com/shop/thebalanceboxco

Restorative Relaxation Experience: www.iamlivingwellness.com/sensoryexperience