October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month: Understanding, Supporting and Breaking the Cycle

Written by Erin Choice, LPC

Every October, we come together to shine a light on an issue that thrives in silence — domestic violence. It affects millions of people across the world, regardless of age, race, gender, or background. And while we’ve made strides in awareness, many survivors still feel unseen, unheard, and unsure of how to move forward.

At Living Wellness, LLC we believe that knowledge is power — and that education, support, and compassion are critical steps toward safety and healing. This month, let’s deepen our understanding of domestic violence, recognize the signs, and learn how we can support those impacted.

What Is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence — also referred to as intimate partner violence (IPV) — is a pattern of behaviors used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over another person in a relationship. It’s not always physical. Abuse can be emotional, psychological, sexual, financial, digital, or a combination of many forms.

Some examples include:

• Physical abuse: Hitting, slapping, choking, restraining, or any form of physical harm.

• Emotional or psychological abuse: Manipulation, humiliation, gaslighting, isolation, or threats.

• Verbal abuse: Name-calling, constant criticism, or degrading language meant to break self-esteem.

• Financial abuse: Restricting access to money, sabotaging employment, or forcing financial dependence.

• Digital abuse: Monitoring devices, controlling online communication, or using technology to harass.

At its core, domestic violence is not about anger — it’s about control.

Warning Signs: What to Look For

Abuse often starts subtly and escalates over time. Recognizing the warning signs — whether in your own relationship or someone else’s — is a crucial step in prevention and intervention.

Some red flags include:

• A partner who isolates you from friends, family, or support systems.

• Jealousy, possessiveness, or accusations of cheating without cause.

• Monitoring your phone, social media, or location.

• Controlling finances, employment decisions, or daily activities.

• Sudden mood changes — loving and kind one moment, explosive the next.

• Gaslighting: making you doubt your memories, feelings, or sanity.

• Threats of harm to you, loved ones, or themselves if you try to leave.

If you notice these patterns, know that they are not normal — and they are not your fault.

The Cycle of Abuse

Domestic violence often follows a predictable, repeating pattern known as the cycle of abuse. Understanding it can help survivors make sense of their experiences and see the bigger picture:

1. Tension Building: The abuser becomes irritable or angry. The survivor often tries to appease them or avoid conflict.

2. Incident: Abuse occurs — this may be physical, verbal, emotional, or another form.

3. Reconciliation (Honeymoon Phase): The abuser apologizes, promises change, or blames outside factors. Things may feel “normal” again.

4. Calm: The abuse may temporarily stop, reinforcing false hope — but the cycle often repeats.

Each time the cycle continues, it often becomes more intense and dangerous. Understanding this pattern is empowering — it helps survivors see that abuse is systematic and intentional, not random or deserved.

Supporting a Survivor: What You Can Do

If someone you care about is experiencing domestic violence, it’s normal to feel unsure of how to help. The most impactful thing you can offer is support without judgment.

Here’s how:

• Listen and believe them. Survivors often fear they won’t be believed — your trust matters.

• Avoid blame. Questions like “Why don’t you just leave?” can reinforce shame. Instead, say, “I’m here when you’re ready.”

• Offer resources, not ultimatums. Provide information about shelters, hotlines, and counseling options, but let them make decisions in their own time.

• Check in consistently. Even if they’re not ready to act, knowing you’re there can make a difference.

• Respect their autonomy. Leaving an abusive relationship is complex and dangerous. Empower them to make choices safely.

Advocacy and Resources

Ending domestic violence requires both individual action and collective effort. Advocacy can mean educating others, supporting local shelters, volunteering, or amplifying survivor voices.

If you or someone you know is in danger, help is available:

• 📞 National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)

• 💻 www.thehotline.org — Live chat and resources

• 📱 Text: “START” to 88788 for confidential support

If you’re in immediate danger, call 911.

A Gentle Reminder

Healing from abuse takes time — and it is not linear. Survivors are not weak; they are resilient. They are not broken; they are brave. And they deserve safety, love, and peace without conditions.

If you are a survivor, know this: You are not alone. Help exists. Healing is possible. And you are worthy of a life free from violence and fear.

At Living Wellness, we understand that leaving or healing from an abusive relationship is not just a decision — it’s a process. Our sessions provide a safe, compassionate, and judgment-free space to help you rebuild your self-worth, process your experiences, and create a future centered in safety and peace. Whether you’re a survivor taking your first steps toward healing or a loved one wanting to support someone you care about, we’re here to walk alongside you.

🌿 You are not defined by what you’ve endured — your story is still yours to write. If you’re ready to begin that next chapter, reach out to learn how we can support you on your path forward.